The One with Phoebe's Secret Act 2
by jfrankliniv
Summary: So Phoebe reveals after a game of "I Never" that she once fantasized about having sex with one of the gang. How would that play out the day after? How would Chandler and Joey's prank war go completely over the top while everyone was trying to sort this new information out? What would have happened? Tune in to find out...


FRIENDS ACT 1., SC. 1

"The One With Phoebe's Secret" 66

FRIENDS

"THE ONE WITH PHOEBE'S SECRET"

ACT 2, SCENE 1

FADE IN:

INT. OF MONICA AND RACHEL'S APARTMENT, THE NEXT DAY. MONICA IS ASLEEP ON THE SOFA; RACHEL IS ASLEEP ON THE CHAIR. MONICA SLOWLY ROLLS OFF THE COUCH AND AWAKENS WITH A START.)

MONICA

(RUBS HER HEAD.)

Oh….

(LOOKS AROUND AT THE APARTMENT. GROANS.)

Ohhh…

(LIES BACK)

RACHEL

(JUST WAKING UP. LOOKS DOWN.)

Monica, why am I still wearing what I was wearing yesterday?

MONICA

(WITHOUT MOVING.)

For the same reason I am…

(RUBS HER EYES.)

Oh, my head…

(PAUSES A BEAT, SPEAKS VERY SLOWLY.)

Okay, do you remember anything after Joey brought over

that bottle of tequila?

RACHEL

(EYES STILL CLOSED.)

You mean what you did or what the rest of us did?

MONICA

Both.

RACHEL

The last thing I remember was you and Chandler trying to paint

Joey's toenails…

MONICA

(LOOKING AROUND.)

Oh, my God! Look at this place! I don't think we've ever let it get this bad!

RACHEL

(SLIGHTLY IRRITATED.)

Monica, just once, can we not focus on how dirty the apartment

is –

(SITS UP AND LOOKS DOWN. A DOZEN BEER BOTTLES ARE NEATLY ALIGNED IN FRONT OF MONICA.)

What did you do?

MONICA

(LOOKS DOWN.)

Oh. I think I was trying to line up the empties last night right before

I passed out…

(ENTER PHOEBE. SHE IS CARRYING A BOX OF DOUGHNUTS. THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT BEHIND HER. MONICA AND RACHEL CRINGE.)

MONICA

Ohhh…

RACHEL

Owww…

PHOEBE

(ENERGETICALLY.)

Good morning!

(MOVES TO THE KITCHEN. RACHEL AND MONICA STIR AND GROAN.)

RACHEL

Phoebes, how can you move today? Didn't you drink as much as the rest of us?

PHOEBE

(OPENING THE BOX.)

Me? Oh, yeah…

RACHEL

(SLOWLY.)

Then, how come you're not hungover?

PHOBE

(SHRUGS)

I am.

RACHEL

But you're moving!

PHOEBE

Yeah, I know. But I'm not…you know, perky!

(TAKES OUT A DOUGHNUT.)

PHOEBE

So, who wants a doughnut?

(MONICA AND RACHEL GROAN AGAIN.)

I've got chocolate!

(MONICA AND RACHEL RAISE THEIR HANDS ENTHUSIASTICALLY.)

PHOEBE

Here!

(BRINGS BOX TO THEM. BOTH TAKE A DOUGHNUT.)

I'm going to go next door and see if the guys want any!

(HEADS FOR THE DOOR.)

MONICA

(FRIGHTENED.)

No – Phoebe – don't –

RACHEL

Don't let the –

(PHOEBE EXITS. THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT. MONICA AND RACHEL CRINGE AND GROAN.)

ACT 2, SCENE 2

(INT. OF CHANDLER AND JOEY'S APARTMENT. CHANDLER IS VISIBLE ON A CHAIR PASSED OUT. ENTER PHOEBE. THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT BEHIND HER. CHANDLER WAKES WITH A START AND A GROAN.)

CHANDLER

(GRABBING HIS TEMPLES.)

Ow!

PHOEBE

Good morning!

CHANDLER

(RUBBING HIS FACE.)

There's no such thing…

PHOEBE

(LOOKING AROUND.)

Wow. You know, Monica and Rachel's place is just like this right now.

CHANDLER

What do you mean?

PHOEBE

(TAKING OUT A DOUGHNUT AND OFFERING ONE TO HIM.)

Well, it's like, they're passed out over there, and you and Joey –

(LOOKS AROUND.)

Where's Joey?

(CHANDLER NODS TO THE GROUND.)

Over there…I think…

(CUT TO: JOEY UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FLOOR WITH A COWBOY HAT COVERING HIS FACE.)

PHOEBE

Does he always sleep like that?

CHANDLER

(PAUSES A BEAT.)

No. Only when the forecast calls for rain…

PHOEBE

Oh!

(TAKES A BITE OF A DOUGHNUT.)

ACT 2, SCENE 3

(INT. OF MONICA AND RACHEL'S. BOTH ARE STILL WHERE WE SAW THEM LAST.)

MONICA

Rachel…

RACHEL

Yeah?

MONICA

Is my purse anywhere over there?

RACHEL

Um…

(PAUSES A MOMENT, THEN SLOWLY REACHES BEHIND HER BACK AND REMOVES A SMALL HANDBAG SHE'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN SLEEPING ON.)

Yeah!

MONICA

Could you look inside and tell me if I have any aspirin?

RACHEL

Sure.

(STARTS TO OPEN THE PURSE.)

Wait a second, don't we have any in the bathroom?

MONICA

We did, but I think Joey borrowed it…besides, I don't have the strength to get up…

RACHEL

(LOOKING THROUGH PURSE.)

Hmm…nope. Nothing here.

MONICA

(GROANS. HER FACE BRIGHTENS.)

Hey, Rachel?

RACHEL

(LOOKING UP FROM PURSE)

Hmm?

MONICA

Do you remember last night, when we were all playing "I Never?"

RACHEL

Yeah.

MONICA

(EXCITED)

Do you remember Phoebe saying she thought about sleeping with one of the guys?

RACHEL

(BECOMING ALERT.)

No, I don't…I don't…I don't think she said…

(PAUSES A BEAT.)

…yeah.

MONICA

(ALMOST GIDDY.)

Who do you think it is?

RACHEL

(CONFUSED.)

I don't know…what makes you think she still wants to sleep with

somebody?

MONICA

(EMPHATIC)

Because she kept on drinking!

(PAUSES A BEAT. RACHEL OPENS BOTH EYES AND LOOKS AT HER.)

MONICA

If it had been a one-time thing, she'd have taken one drink and

that would have been it, but she kept going!

RACHEL

(SLOWLY BECOMING DOUBTFUL.)

So, for that, you think she still wants to sleep with Joey or Chandler?

MONICA

Or Ross!

RACHEL

(SITS UP. EYES WIDE.)

What makes you think it's Ross?

MONICA

Well…who do you think it is?

RACHEL

Oh, I don't know…probably…Chandler!

MONICA

(FROWNING)

What makes you think it's Chandler?

RACHEL

Well, because you like him!

MONICA

I don't like him!

(PAUSES)

I mean, I – I – I LIKE him, but I don't LIKE-like him!

(TURNS ON HER)

How do YOU know it's not ROSS?

RACHEL

(EYES WIDE)

Well, because…because…

MONICA

(PRESSES HER)

Why? Why? WHY?

RACHEL

(STARTING TO WORRY)

Well, because…because…because WE WENT OUT, THAT'S WHY!

MONICA

But you're not going out any more!

RACHEL

(ANGRY)

What's that supposed to mean?

MONICA

I mean, you guys aren't going out any more, so she COULD want to go out with him, you know!

RACHEL

(UPSET)

No, she couldn't!

(THEY BEGIN TO ARGUE.)

Yeah? Well, well, she could just as much want to go out with

Chandler!

MONICA

(DOUBTFUL)

Chandler?

(TURNS AWAY)

What would she ever see in Chandler?

RACHEL

(SMIRKS)

Well, I don't know. You two were pretty cozy at the beach house

last summer.

MONICA

(HORRIFIED)

We weren't cozy! We were just…friendly! He wanted to go out with me and I didn't want to go out with him!

RACHEL

Monica, you let him pee on you!

MONICA

Only because I was stung by a jellyfish!

(RACHEL IS UNCONVINECED)

Oh, so that's why she wants to go out with him. Because I let him PEE on ME?

RACHEL

(SINKS BACK IN HER CHAIR, COMFORTED)

No, he wanted to go out with you, but you wouldn't let him, so now Phoebe's thinks he's fair game!

(MONICA SIGHS AND DROPS BACK ON THE SOFA)

RACHEL

You're just jealous.

MONICA

(SITS UP FURIOUSLY)

I am not jealous!

RACHEL

You are too.

MONICA

(AGHAST)

I am not!

RACHEL

Are too!

MONICA

(SHOUTING)

I AM NOT!

RACHEL

ARE TOO!

ACT 2, SCENE 3

(INT. OF JOEY AND CHANDLER'S APARTMENT. JOEY AND CHANDLER ARE SITTING AT THE COUNTER. PHOEBE IS POURING THEM COFFEE.)

CHANDLER

Okay, now you're absolutely sure after my fifth cup of this I'll

be able to feel my toes again?

JOEY

(ABSENT MINDEDLY.)

Forget my toes, I just wanna be able to feel my –

(LOOKS AT PHOEBE.)

You know…stuff…

(PHOEBE FINISHES POURING COFFEE. LOOKS AT HER WATCH.)

PHOEBE

Oh! I've gotta go! I've got an appointment at eleven!

(HEADS FOR THE DOOR. LOOKS BACK AT CHANDLER AND JOEY)

PHOEBE

Don't forget to give some to Ross!

JOEY

(PUZZLED)

Ross?

PHOEBE

Yeah. You know - where you guys left him?

(CUT TO: ROSS ASLEEP ON THE FLOOR IN THE CORNER. HIS FACE IS HEAVILY MADE UP WITH LIPSTICK, BLUSH, AND EYELINER.)

PHOEBE

You know, one of these days these pranks you guys keep pulling are going to backfire.

(ROSS AND CHANDLER GROAN AND SMILE.)

No, I'm serious. I mean, is this what you guys do to each other for fun?

Make pointless jokes and - and - abuse each other like little children?

(PAUSES A BEAT.)

JOEY

Uh, yeah, basically.

CHANDLER

Yeah, pretty much.

PHOEBE

(ROLLING HER EYES)

Oh…whatever. I'm outta here.

(HEADS FOR THE DOOR.)

CHANDLER

No, Phoebes, don't -

JOEY

Yeah, watch the -

(PHOEBE EXITS AND THE DOOR SLAMS. CHANDLER AND JOEY CRINGE AND GRAB THEIR TEMPLES.)

CHANDLER

(IN OBVIOUS PAIN)

Ohhh…

JOEY

(SAME)

Ahhh…

(THEY LOOK AT ROSS.)

Did he wake up?

CHANDLER

(CHECKING.)

No, he pretty much didn't even move.

(PAUSES A BEAT.)

You realize he is going to wake up at some point and wash all that off.

JOEY

(MOVES TO KITCHEN AND OPENS DRAWER. HE REMOVES A POLAROID.)

Yep.

(LOOKS PAST CHANDLER AT ROSS.)

Got the film?

CHANDLER

(WITHOUT LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER HOLDS UP A PACK OF FILM.)

Right here.

(WALKS AROUND AND PUTS HIS HAND ON CHANDLER'S SHOULDER.)

JOEY

Let's go…

FADE OUT.

ACT 2, SCENE 4

FADE IN: EXT. OF CENTRAL PERK.

(CUT TO: INT. OF CENTRAL PERK. JOEY, CHANDLER AND ROSS ARE SITTING DOWN WITH CUPS IN THEIR HANDS. ALL ARE OBVIOUSLY STILL FEELING THE EFFECTS OF THE NIGHT BEFORE. ROSS IS LOOKING THROUGH A STACK OF POLAROIDS)

ROSS

(WEARILY.)

I am…never…drinking…

(TURNS PICTURE UPSIDE DOWN)

…again.

JOEY

Ross, you say that every time we go drinking…

ROSS

Yeah, but this time I mean it…

JOEY

You always do…

ROSS

How many shots did we do last night?

JOEY

Six –

(ROSS SITS BACK AND SIGHS IN RELIEF.)

JOEY

teen.

(ROSS GROANS.)

ROSS

I was such a waste at the museum today…

CHANDLER

I wasn't much use to anybody at the office, either…

ROSS

Much use? Much use? I had to take a bunch of

preschoolers through the Mesozoic display…

(PAUSES A BEAT.)

Do you know what it's like having a hangover and trying to

tell thirty kids there is no such thing as a Barneysaurus?

CHANDLER

You should've just told them he was killed off by the

Snuffaluffagus.

JOEY

(THINKING.)

Hey.

(PAUSES A BEAT.)

I was just thinking…

CHANDLER

(UNCONVINCED.)

No, no, you're still drunk…

JOEY

No, no, I'm serious….

(PAUSES AGAIN.)

You guys remember how Phoebe said last night that she wanted

to sleep with one of us?

(ROSS AND CHANDLER LOOK AT EACH OTHER.)

JOEY

Well, which one of us do you guys think it was?

ROSS

Was. The question was who she ONCE wanted to sleep with…

CHANDLER

Mmm…no, I think it was who she almost…wanted to sleep with…

JOEY

(CONFUSED.)

So…it was who she…once…thought…she…almost…wanted to sleep with?

(ROSS AND CHANDLER LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER.)

ROSS

Uh, yeah…

CHANDLER

Right…

JOEY

(SMUG.)

So…which one of us do you think it is?

(ROSS AND CHANDLER LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER AGAIN.)

CHANDLER

I don't think…

ROSS

I'm not sure…

JOEY

(DETERMINED.)

No, come on, which one of us?

ROSS

(UNEASILY.)

I don't know…I guess…maybe…Chandler!

CHANDLER

(STARTS.)

Who, me?

JOEY

(SHOCKED.)

Chandler?

CHANDLER

(OFFENDED.)

Yeah, well, what's wrong with me?

JOEY

Nothing, I - I - I just thought it'd be – why Chandler?

(THEY LOOK TO ROSS.)

ROSS

Well, I just thought…you know…Rachel and I went out, so

I thought that'd take me out, so it'd be just, you know, you

guys…

JOEY

(INDIGNANT.)

Yeah, but WHY CHANDLER?

CHANDLER

(RESENTFUL.)

Ask it one more time!

JOEY

No…I mean, really…why him and not me?

ROSS

I don't know! I just…I just…

JOEY

Yeah? Well, just for that, I think it was…was…

(LOOKS AT THE TWO OF THEM.)

JOEY

Me!

CHANDLER

(SARCASTICALLY.)

Whoa!

(PAUSES A BEAT.)

What makes you think she wants to sleep with you?

ROSS

Yeah, I thought Monica was the one who had the crush on you when

we all first started getting together.

CHANDLER

Yeah, and didn't she see you naked?

JOEY

(COCKY.)

Yeah…

ROSS

(DISGUSTED.)

Oh, God…

CHANDLER

(SHAKING HIS HEAD.)

No…no…no…

ROSS

(SHAKING HIS HEAD.)

No…no…

JOEY

Well, all right, who do you guys think it was?

CHANDLER

(LOOKS AT ROSS AND THEN JOEY.)

Me!

(JOEY AND ROSS GROAN.)

CHANDLER

Well, why not? I'm a likable guy! Veronica liked me!

ROSS

Uh, yeah, but Veronica didn't see you last night skipping around

the apartment singing the theme from the "Welcome Back, Kotter" in

your Snoopy boxer shorts…

(ROSS AND CHANDLER BEGIN TO ARGUE.)

JOEY

Hey, wait a second!

(ALL STOP.)

I just thought of something…

(PAUSES.)

CHANDLER

Well, come on, finish the synapse!

JOEY

Well, she didn't say who it was…so, how do we know

it's really one of us?

ROSS

(HESITANT.)

Because…we were…there?

JOEY

No, I mean…it could be…you know…

(PAUSES A BEAT.)

Monica or Rachel!

(ROSS AND CHANDLER LOOK AT HIM.)

CHANDLER

(INCREDULOUS)

There's a reason for helmet laws!

FADE OUT.

ACT 2, SCENE 5:

(CUT TO: INT. OF MONICA AND RACHEL'S APARTMENT. RACHEL IS WIPING THE COFFEE TABLE, MONICA IS IN THE KITCHEN WIPING DOWN THE KITCHEN TABLE. SEVERAL BAGS OF TRASH ARE PILED BY THE DOOR.)

RACHEL

(LOOKING DOWN AT THE TABLE PROUDLY.)

There! Good as new!

MONICA

(SCRUBBING FURIOUSLY.)

I - can't - seem to get - this - stain…

(KEEPS SCRUBBING.)

Do we have any more polish?

RACHEL

Um, I think there's another can in the bathroom - let me check…

(GOES INTO THE BATHROOM. A KNOCK IS HEARD AT THE DOOR.)

MONICA

It's open!

(DOOR OPENS. ENTER PHOEBE. SHE IS WEARING A VEST. MONICA LOOKS UP AND SEES HER.)

PHOEBE

Hey!

MONICA

(COLDLY.)

Oh. Hi.

(PHOEBE LOOKS AT HER IN SURPRISE.)

PHOEBE

What?

MONICA

(RECOVERING.)

Oh. Oh! Nothing - nothing…

(RETURNS TO SCRUBBING.)

I'm just - struggling with this stain!

PHOEBE

(MOVES TO LIVING ROOM.)

So, what'd you guys do today?

MONICA

(STILL SCRUBBING)

Oh, not much…we spent most of it picking up stuff from the party.

PHOEBE

Did you still want to go down to the coffee shop?

MONICA

Yeah…I think if I can just finish…

(LOOKS UP AND PAUSES.)

Say, isn't that…Chandler's vest?

PHOEBE

(LOOKS DOWN AT IT.)

Oh. Yeah. He loaned it to me last week for the party and I forgot to wear it…

MONICA

(HISSING UNDER HER BREATH.)

Slut…

PHOEBE

(UNSURE WHAT SHE HEARD.)

What?

MONICA

Hmm?

(RECOVERS.)

Oh, nothing!

(MORE ENERGETICALLY.)

Nothing!

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.)

I was just looking for some more…smut!

(HOLDS UP CAN OF POLISH.)

That's what I call this…stuff - smut!

(LAUGHS AGAIN.)

I think I'll go check and see if we have any more "smut" in the bathroom…

(MOVES TO THE BATHROOM. THERE IS A PAUSE. RACHEL SUDDENLY STUMBLES OUT AS THOUGH SHE'S BEEN SHOVED. THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT BEHIND HER.)

RACHEL

(SURPRISED)

Oh. Hi, Phoebes.

PHOEBE

Hey!

(PULLS A MIRROR OUT OF HER PURSE AND BEGINS CHECKING HER MAKE-UP.)

You guys almost ready to go down to the coffee shop?

RACHEL

Coffee shop?

PHOEBE

Yeah. Ross called and said for all of us to meet the guys down at the coffee shop.

RACHEL

(SURPRISED.)

He called _you_?

PHOEBE

(UNAWARE.)

Yeah. He said he would've called you guys, but he was afraid that, you know, _you'd _answer…

RACHEL

(ANGRILY UNDER HER BREATH.)

Slut…

PHOEBE

(DIDN'T HEAR HER.)

What?

RACHEL

(RECOVERING.)

Hmm? Oh, nothing! Nothing!

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.)

I just need to freshen up first…

(MOVES INTO THE BATHROOM. MONICA STUMBLES OUT AS IF PUSHED. SHE GLARES AT PHOEBE AND THEN BACK AT THE BATHROOM.)

PHOEBE

(CONFUSED.)

Um, is everything okay?

MONICA

Hmm? Yeah! Sure! Everything's okay. I'll just be right back…

(GOES INTO BATHROOM. THERE IS ANOTHER PAUSE. MONICA AND RACHEL BOTH STORM OUT WITH HANDS ON HIPS.)

MONICA AND RACHEL

(IN UNISON.)

We want to know who you're sleeping with!

PHOEBE

(COMPLETELY OFF GUARD)

What?

RACHEL

(STOMPING HER FOOT)

You're sleeping with one of the guys and we want to know who it is!

MONICA

Yeah!

PHOEBE

(GETS UP SHAKING HER HEAD.)

Okay, this is getting just a little too weird…

MONICA

No, we know it…you said it during the party - you wanted to sleep with one of the guys.

RACHEL

Yeah!

PHOEBE

(MOVING TOWARD THE DOOR.)

Okay, you guys are really flipping out on me…

MONICA

(FOLLOWING HER.)

No…

RACHEL

(LIKEWISE.)

No…

PHOEBE

(EXITING)

No, I never said…

MONICA

Yes, you did…

RACHEL

You said…

(DOOR CLOSES BEHIND THEM. FADE OUT.)

ACT 2, SCENE 6

(FADE IN: INT. OF THE COFFEE SHOP. CHANDLER, ROSS, AND JOEY ARE SITTING ON THE SOFA WITH PADS OF PAPER AND PENS. SEVERAL CRUMPLED SHEETS ARE ON THE TABLE IN FRONT OF THEM.)

ROSS

Okay, so taking into account the similarity in our Zodiac signs…

(JOEY AND CHANDLER START FLIPPING BACK THROUGH THEIR PAGES)

…and that combined with the differences in our ages…

(JOEY AND CHANDLER NOD…)

…that means it could only be…me!

(JOEY AND CHANDLER FROWN.)

CHANDLER

(FLIPS THROUGH SEVERAL MORE PAGES)

But on page four we all agreed that I'm the only one who remembered her birthday last year…

(JOEY AND ROSS FLIP THROUGH SOME PAGES)

ROSS

Yeah, but I'm the one who got her a Christmas gift…

CHANDLER

Yeah, but we split that one…

JOEY

Yeah, and I picked it out!

ROSS

Okay, but I still think…

(IN THE BACKGROUND WE SEE PHOEBE, MONICA, AND RACHEL ENTERING THE SHOP. PHOEBE IS FIRST AND IS ARGUING WITH MONICA AND RACHEL.)

PHOEBE

No, I said I don't want to talk about it!

MONICA

You've got tell us!

RACHEL

We have to know!

CHANDLER

(TO ROSS AND JOEY.)

Ooh. Hold on. Catfight in progress…

(ALL TURN. MONICA, PHOEBE, AND RACHEL CONTINUE ARGUING.)

MONICA

(WHINING.)

Come on, Phoebe!

RACHEL

You've got to tell us!

ROSS

(TRYING TO RESTORE ORDER.)

Um, okay, okay. What's going on here?

RACHEL

(POINTING AT PHOEBE.)

Phoebe won't tell us which one of you she's sleeping with!

(ROSS, JOEY, AND CHANDLER EXCHANGE GLANCES.)

MONICA

And we know it's one of you!

(ROSS AND CHANDLER LOOK AT JOEY. HE SHRUGS.)

RACHEL

And, Ross, if it's you, I am never, ever speaking to you again.

ROSS

(PAUSES A BEAT.)

Phoebe, would you please sleep with me?

PHOEBE

No!

CHANDLER

(TO JOEY.)

This is getting good…

MONICA

I was right! You are sleeping with Chandler!

(JOEY LOOKS AT CHANDLER.)

JOEY

(HURT.)

Hey, man, I thought we were friends…

CHANDLER

(SURPRISED.)

No! It's not me…

JOEY

Well, it's not me…

ROSS

And it's -

(PAUSES. LOOKS AT RACHEL.)

- not me.

PHOEBE

(ANNOYED.)

Okay, okay! I give up!

(MOVES TO CENTER.)

PHOEBE

I never should have said anything…

(PAUSES.)

Okay, I'll tell all of you who it was…

(EVERYONE LEANS FORWARD.)

PHOEBE

(PAUSES.)

Ross…

(EVERYONE STARTS. RACHEL GLARES AT ROSS. ROSS SHRUGS AND SHAKES HIS HEAD.)

You're sweet…you're kind…

(PAUSES AGAIN.)

…but it - it wasn't you…

(JOEY AND CHANDLER WAVE THEIR FISTS TRIUMPHANTLY.)

PHOEBE

Joey…

(JOEY SITS UP EXPECTANTLY.)

You're artistic…you're an actor…you really care about your friends…

(PAUSES.)

PHOEBE

…but it's not you…

(JOEY SINKS BACK IN FRUSTRATION.)

Chandler…

(CHANDLER LEANS BACK EXPECTANTLY.)

There is nothing in this world that would attract me to you…

(CHANDLER LOOKS SURPRISED.)

CHANDLER

So…it's…not me?

PHOEBE

No, it was you.

MONICA

Wait a second. Wait a second. I thought you just said there was nothing about Chandler that attracted you.

PHOEBE

There isn't.

RACHEL

So…the fact that there was nothing to attract you…

(PAUSES A BEAT.)

…attracted you?

PHOEBE

(MATTER OF FACTLY.)

Mm-hmm!

PHOEBE

(PAUSES.)

But it was just a dream!

CHANDLER

(SURPRISED.)

A…a dream?

PHOEBE

(NODDING.)

Yeah. Uh-huh!

ROSS

When…did this happen?

PHOEBE

Oh, it was right after we all met and we started hanging out together. We all got drunk one night, and I went home, and, you know, had this…

(ROLLS HER EYES.)

…really weird dream!

RACHEL

So, you…haven't been sleeping with anyone?

PHOEBE

(FROWNING.)

Oh - with Chandler? Oh, my God no!

MONICA

So, that was just a fantasy you were talking about the other night…

PHOEBE

Oh. Yeah!

(PAUSES)

And it was only for one night!

(EVERYONE SIGHS.)

MONICA

I need some coffee…

ROSS

Me too…

RACHEL

Me too…

JOEY

Me too…

(THEY HEAD FOR THE COFFEE BAR. PHOEBE TAKES A SEAT ON THE COUCH AND PICKS UP A MAGAZINE. CHANDLER SCOOTS DOWN AND SITS NEXT TO HER. HE CLEARS HIS THROAT.)

CHANDLER

So, ah, Phoebe…

PHOEBE

(LOOKS UP.)

Hmm?

CHANDLER

I was just wondering…

(PAUSES.)

Maybe…

(PAUSES.)

You know…you and I could…

(PAUSES.)

…go out for a…cup of coffee?

(PAUSES. REALIZES THEY'RE IN A COFFEE SHOP.)

That didn't come out the way I hoped at all…

PHOEBE

Um, I don't think so…

CHANDLER

(SOMEWHAT TAKEN ABACK.)

What? What? Why not?

PHOEBE

Well, a lot of things, really. I mean, we're just friends, it was just a one-time dream…

(PAUSES A BEAT.)

..and, you know, you weren't that good!

CHANDLER

(SHOCKED?)

Not that good?

FADE OUT.


End file.
